Saying Good-bye

People regularly ask me, "Does he still know you?"  And I've always been able to say, "Oh, yes, certainly he knows me."  Today I would have to say, "I don't know." 

My daughter with her husband and her 13 year-old daughter and I were up to see my husband this afternoon for a visit and to take him to church.  We hadn't seen him for a week; my car went in for repair on Tuesday morning and was still not ready and they only come once a week.  There were no signs of recognition when we walked in. 

I asked if he was ready to go to church and he replied, "Yes."  I asked if he wanted a chocolate before we went to church and he replied, "Yes."  His home church for 33 years was doing the service and he stared at the lady who was leading the service and whom he has known since 1962 as though he thought he should know her but there was no comment.

After the service we went to the cafeteria for tea and when I asked if he wanted puffed wheat cake or rice krispie cake, he responded with "Rice krispie cake."  When I told him I had completed his income tax return and how much his tax refund would be, there was no comment or change of expression on his face.  He ate the rice krispie cake as I popped each little piece into his mouth and then ate the two pop tarts that our friend had brought for him.  He gestured toward his cup to indicate that he wanted his tea and drank all his tea when I lifted it up for him. 

After an hour, we took him back to his room and said our good-byes.  Again, there was no reaction and his attention was focussed on the TV which we had turned on for him.  My daughter said this was similar to their experience for the last two or three visits. 

I had my hair permed on Wednesday which changed my look enough that a number of people commented that they hadn't immediately recognized me.  We wondered if my husband would know me.  Constantly changing staff members work with him at the nursing home.  I don't know that he didn't think I was one of them.

My mother didn't recognize me at the last either.  My husband would have to tell her that I was there with him.  For him to realize who I am, the staff will probably have to tell him "Your wife is here to see you."  I always felt he didn't really know me; now it's certain.  Good-bye, my love, good-bye.  Will we meet again?  Who knows.